Matthew Shepard was tortured and pistol whipped and then tied to a fence, where he was left by the side of the road to slowly die. After six days in hospital, he passed away from his extensive head injuries.
At his funeral, Westboro Baptist Church as well as other hate groups protested his funeral with signs saying “F*gs go to hell” as well as signs saying “No tears for queers.”
This happened in my life time. I am 25 years old and in my life, a gay funeral was protested by people screaming about queers deserving violent death.
LGBT people saying that the word queer hurts them, triggers them, and traumatizes them is not comparable to the offense meant by cishets using that word to hurt, humiliate, and dehumanize us.
This is like if you walked around with a sword by your side all the time and said it was your “comfort” item. Sure, good for you. I’m glad you found some comfort. But if other people are threatened by it, harmed by it, you gotta leave your sword at home. Which means most of the time you gotta leave it at home when you’re in public because most people see swords as a threat, implicitly. That’s how queer as a slur works–we see it as a threat first.
So, you need to analyze why you’re prioritizing a slur and how shiny you think it is over cries of hurting, victimized LGBT people. Empathy is free and easy once you stop being a selfish piece of shit.